the misunderstood nature of friendship

Adolescence is the time for self-discovery, the time for identity-searching which can be deepened through interpersonal relations with other people, especially that of the opposite sex. But, steady dating among adolescents, by definition, prevents them from searching and finding this identity and hinders them from developing their interpersonal skills towards others. Therefore, steady dating during adolescence is tantamount to social suicide.

This could very well be the battlecry of all single adolescents. but this is also our first topic in theo. (I'm really glad that i chose Tejido, because as a matter of fact, he is one of the best out there, and its too bad that he is retiring after this semester) do i need to explain what steady dating is? i guess not. a lot of us (or should i say a lot of you! ahaha) have experienced this: having an exclusive relationship for a long period of time. Dr. Tejido goes further by stating two other factors that comprise steady dating: no definite plans of getting married in the near future, and with some genital intimacy or venerial activities allowed. so how does this kill our social lives? instead of nurturing our relationships with our friends, "especially that of the opposite sex", we end up focusing our time and attention to only one person. face it, we've all had friends who we always hung out with, but when he or she decided to have a bf/gf, you suddenly don't see each other that often anymore. To drive the point, Dr. Tejido wants us to broaden our horizons and not to be limited by one person.

As the interactive lecture went on, people started to ask a host of personal questions. One of those questions stood out and had everyone's attention: What if we do as you ask, sir, and we develop and nurture our friendship with a girl. We go out with a lot of girls, and we find one that we have a lot of common with one. We go out some more, and we find ourselves becoming best friends. The usual next step to that, sir, is falling in love. There is still a possibiliy that we could fall in love with each other, right? What should we do if that happens?

bang, bang. we all fell silent. probably because at one point in our young lives, we all felt this feeling. we all know this story--the bestfriend story. doesn't always end up happy, and sometimes it doesn't end at all. so Dr. Tejido raised his left hand, calling for attention, and spoke softly. I visited my friend in Xavierville a couple of weeks ago. She has been a friend of mine for a very long time now. Niligawan ko nga dati, pero di pa raw siya ready. But then we became very good friends. And to be honest with you guys, she knows me very well. She knows me better than my wife does. Love does not need to be conjugal, to be technical about it... My love for my wife is very different from my love for my children. You have to understand that and take note of the difference... We have to remove our preconceived notions about love and relationships... We have to correct the misunderstood nature of friendship... His speech was a lot more convincing in person, and i'm sorry that the lines above are all i can remember. Simply put, all relationships do not necessarily have to lead to romance and conjugal love. dating, no matter for how many times, does not mean that a boy is going to court a girl. a deepened relationship, with friends, will lead to a better understanding of one's self, one's identity.

...

St. Thomas Aquinas shared that among all the external possessions of a person, friends are the most precious. and if ever a friend was stolen from a person, by any means--verbal or otherwise, it would have been better if the person had been stripped of all his material belongings.

this entry is for all of you whom i consider FRIENDS.
i found myself in you. i love you.

the ensaymada analogy

imagine this: a yummy ensaymada on a table in front of you. covered with butter and melted cheese on top. mmm. still hot and fresh from the oven. or so you thought. you start to reach for it. inch by inch your hand gets nearer. but by the time you touch the ensaymada, you realize its not hot. you thought it was hot, because of the way it looked. then you start to think: is this ensaymada really delicious? is the ensaymada showing itslef as something delicious and hot, or is it just me who thinks it's delicious or hot? after a few seconds, you conclude that there's no other way to know than to actually take a bite. so you pick the ensaymada up, bringing it closer to your face. you take a last look, and check if it really is worth tasting. again you see the melted cheese waiting for you, and you think to yourself that its been awhile since you've eaten an ensaymada. so you decide to open your mouth and take a bite. but as you were about to take that bite, a friend interrupts and started telling a story about the ensaymada on your hand. someone else already held that ensaymada, took a bite, and left it at the table. so you turn the ensaymada around, and you see a little mark of a bite on the other side. you put the ensaymada down immediately. feeling weird. feeling eeky. feeling thankful for the friend who told you what the ensaymada really is. or rather, what the ensaymade really isn't. the ensaymada isn't fresh. the ensaymada isn't hot. the ensaymada isn't delicious. because if it had been, then why didn't the first person finish it? you leave the ensaymada on the table. and now your mind is able to go past the ensaymada. you can now move on to bigger, more serious things in life.

sa palanan

"muling balikan, alaalang naiwan

muling balikan, kwentuhan at kantahan
tawanan at inuman

sa palanan."

today i write of a friend's departure. i was shocked two months ago when someone told me they were going to migrate to the states. the feeling of separation never really dawned on me until the early hours of monday.

i was the last one inside the Pajero. as the car stopped, i stretched my hands and said goodbye. ingat, pare was the usual phrase. when i opened the door and started to step out, he called me again. from outside the car i stared at his lonely eyes. i already knew what he was going to say. salamat, he said. drama ah, i replied. we shook hands, firmly, and i closed the door. he turned the car around and headed back towards banawe. we thought that was the last time we'll get to see each other. or atleast he did.

it was there on the corner of retiro and biak-na-bato that i started to feel depressed. even inside the cab, i stared outside the window and thought of nothing but his departure. i felt gloomy. when i got home i texted my bestfriends about how i felt. baka di ka lang nakapag-goodbye ng maayos. true. dont worry, we'll still see him tuesday morning. true.

we were outside his gates before 6:30am today. he was surprised, i think. i gave him three back-issues of FHM, something that he loved reading at my house and would hopefully remind him of me while reading it(not using it for any other 'activity'). we weren't supposed to accompany him to the airport, but since there was still room left in the van, we went. it was a particularly quiet ride.

the emotion poured out of everyone when their bags and boxes were being unloaded from the cars. i hugged and said goodbye to the entire family. ingat kayo ah, was still the phrase, and i meant every word of it. i was trying to keep myself from crying. i'm not supposed to be here. ayokong maiyak. i have never been close to another family before, and the idea of me never seeing them again brought out the tears. i tried to hide my eyes behind my aviator specs. i hugged him and said goodbye. babalik ka ah. ingat ka. ingatan mo pamilya mo.

we don't know whether he would be coming back or not. even he wasn't so sure about it. it was this uncertainty that caused us to feel this way. his animated stories would be sorely missed. his conversations about rubber shoes, basketball, the NBA, cars, girls(nude and non-nude), scandals, websites, tsismis and more. lsqc. rufino, greenbelt and almost half of makati. lrt/mrt. pbb auditions. ateneo chic-hunting. nestle creamery. "window-shopping." paradise. galera. samat. palanan. practically everything and everywhere. simply put, we all enjoy his company. i know i do. and i would hate to refer to our friendship as dati, nung nandito pa siya, or bago pa siya umalis.

hihintayin ka namin sa september ha. wag mong kalimutan yung $500 na pang-GB.

ingat pare.