why i love to fack

i've been meaning to write this for quite some time now. i never really found the right time or opportunity--with all the bumming and lying around at the house the past days. now, all my friends know that i am not very.. shall we say 'expressive'.. of my emotions or feelings. i've never really expressed or shown to my friends how much i appreciate their presence.. how much i enjoy their stories.. how much i care for them. i can only hope that they do get that. that they somehow have an idea how important they are to me. man, i wish they'd be able to read this before we truly part ways. not that we're not going to see each other any more. it's just that.. with the different jobs and all.. well, you get what i mean.

this is one of the few written works i made where i thought of the title before i had any content. so why do i love to fack? let me give you these reasons.

well first of all, i love to fack because it was my idea to call it fack. i don't remember when and where or how, but i somehow figured putting the words 'faura' and 'back' together. so together with my interest in the taboo (and the fact that 'baura' didn't sound too good), i came up with the word 'fack'. justin even invented the words 'frap' for faura harap and 'fiddle' for faura middle. but most of the time people just use the term 'harap' and 'likod' to distinguish the people who hang out at faura. surprisingly, i seldom use the word fack. in conversations, i often use "faura likod" or "jan sa likod". i should be more loyal to myself and use the words i invented. or else it might not catch on (i.e. "s1nners" that i thought of during freshman year. baduuuuy).

the location of fack makes it a perfect place to hang out. accessible to the comfort rooms, just a flight of stairs away from classrooms and the department office, and just a few steps from the smokers' pocket garden. it's three to four minutes from the caf and jsec and less than five minutes from the parking lots and katipunan. its just perfect.

oh man. speaking of the pocket garden, or the facket as we fondly call it, its another reason for me to fack. we've been through so many things, the facket and i, and when they tore the first facket down, it just broke my heart. i remember the nights when we just hung out there until eleven in the evening. sharing stories, making jokes, 11 is to 1, dancing the papaya on top of the benches, lying down and staring at the leaves of the trees, dreaming, and dreaming big. nothing could compare, really. if i was asked to rank all our moments together as a barkada, being at the facket ranks number 1. even non-smokers join us just to be together. ultimate sacrifice (of lungs and general health).

fack also brings together the students and the teachers. pao and andrei often come to mind when we talk about smoking at the facket, and their stories are unforgettable. sometimes mm, jal and podge join us, and we never fail to share a laugh together. i never would have thought that i would find friends in them (instructors) and all of the other people at discs. someday i'll repay pao and andrei for all the dunhill frosts i bummed out of them.

fack is where i got to know yvette, miko and sam better. the three of them seldom went with us on nights out and so it was only at fack where we usually swapped stories. sam always had a penchant for tsismis, just like what miko has for nba basketball, and yvette has for doing different accents, weirdly. to know them together and as individuals have been one of the true blessings i've had recently.

hanging out at fack wouldn't have been as fun without lance. the laughs, the weird laughs, the awkward moments, the serious moments, the gay moments, the dancing, the gay dancing. we often tease him, but he is truly a good sport. he knows when to be serious, when to be funny, when to act dumb, and when to become funny by seriously being dumb. but to date, my fondest memory of lance has always been singing. out of the blue, out of sync, n*sync, etc. when the bloomfields bug was around, we sang every song in their album. alala mo.. nung tayo ay walang magawa..

when at fack, it is certain that one of the people there will say "yosi tayo". and that would be ian. we call him all sorts of things. jolibee. labs. pipoy. mister popo. but he doesnt get mad. he just flicks our breasts every now and then. this guy should've won crush ang bayan. and all of the boys at fack would be a close second.

i also love that within fack, there are still subgroups like that of jag, gino, jp, eric and lloyd. they would sneak a drink every now and then at cantina, but i don't mind. i join them sometimes, and those were memorable drinking sessions. especially that night. that unforgettable night when gino.. nevermind. it's good to know that when i have a problem, i could always turn to them--look up at eric as he sways and flaps his shirt--for a drink or two.

and who could forget about the pout that made the world go "awww". i became friends with tracy--who is probably the sweetest girl i know--at fack. so don't think that fack is for MIS only. we do have IS people who hang out there (tracy and aaron, who is an amazing graphic designer) too. fack is also the place where tracy found her bitch in AJ. the two of them are so lucky to have each other, and i seriously hope that they fall deeper in love with each other.

from the moment that i learned that we were going to be on the same english block, i knew that rj would be one of the friends that i'd keep. i even accompanied him to stella maris on a stormy day just so that he could get his ex-gf's acet application form, only to find out that it was still incomplete when we submitted it in xavier hall. i often joke about how he influenced me to smoke again, but the truth is, i influenced him. that afternoon at meatshop, where a few of my blockmates started to hang out, i urged him to buy a pack so we can share. but hey, i'm not sorry. it is obvious how much rj loves cigarettes. i tease him a lot--ok more than a lot, maybe everytime? always? ok! with every word he says i find something to joke about. haha.--but i only do that because i know that he can take it. that he can poke fun at himself for the amusement of others. much like me. we've been through many ups and downs, but i've never thanked him or let him know how great a friend he is. someday i will.

of all the people in fack, i least expected that this guy would be one of my closest friends--what with all the rides we shared with a chic named corinne. the first time i met justin, at lance's birthday party, i really believed that he was gay. only to find out that sometimes, i was right in believing. we shared many nights together--not sleeping--but drinking, playing billiards, eating and smoking. we even had a "what if" night with jp. just like all of my close friends, justin can already finish the sentences i start with, and he can quickly get what i'm about to joke or poke fun at. one look is all it takes for me to communicate a joke to him. he's probably the ultimate guy buddy, if only he wasn't gay--sometimes.

fack wouldn't be fack without debbie. the smartest person i know, she's probably the person who has seriously been through a lot the past year. and i was there with her. the best thing about debbie is that she's not afraid to be vulnerable. she opens up. she fights. she's brave. and that is the very thing that i cannot do. the very person i'm striving to be. and simply talking to her makes me, in some ways, brave as well. she doesn't know this, but i am so proud of her. so proud of her achievements. so proud of who she is, of who she is becoming. i literally stand in awe of this person. and to have debbie as one of my closest friends is something i will be eternally grateful for.

if you're thinking that the people i mentioned above are the only ones who are at fack, you are mistaken. the juniors (well now seniors) also keep us company. hubert and his laptop--though almost everybody had laptops, patty and her golden mop-like hair, keziah and her red everything, kim and her perky personality, elie and his, well, personality, tope and his jin, jin and her tope, and all the other people that keep fack alive.

so in summary, this is just a long 'thank you' to all the people that hung out at fack. to all the people that came by, that passed their time at fack. to all the people who at one time or another stayed at fack just because. they don't know this but them just being there makes me happy. and that they're the reason why i love to fack.

the misunderstood nature of friendship

Adolescence is the time for self-discovery, the time for identity-searching which can be deepened through interpersonal relations with other people, especially that of the opposite sex. But, steady dating among adolescents, by definition, prevents them from searching and finding this identity and hinders them from developing their interpersonal skills towards others. Therefore, steady dating during adolescence is tantamount to social suicide.

This could very well be the battlecry of all single adolescents. but this is also our first topic in theo. (I'm really glad that i chose Tejido, because as a matter of fact, he is one of the best out there, and its too bad that he is retiring after this semester) do i need to explain what steady dating is? i guess not. a lot of us (or should i say a lot of you! ahaha) have experienced this: having an exclusive relationship for a long period of time. Dr. Tejido goes further by stating two other factors that comprise steady dating: no definite plans of getting married in the near future, and with some genital intimacy or venerial activities allowed. so how does this kill our social lives? instead of nurturing our relationships with our friends, "especially that of the opposite sex", we end up focusing our time and attention to only one person. face it, we've all had friends who we always hung out with, but when he or she decided to have a bf/gf, you suddenly don't see each other that often anymore. To drive the point, Dr. Tejido wants us to broaden our horizons and not to be limited by one person.

As the interactive lecture went on, people started to ask a host of personal questions. One of those questions stood out and had everyone's attention: What if we do as you ask, sir, and we develop and nurture our friendship with a girl. We go out with a lot of girls, and we find one that we have a lot of common with one. We go out some more, and we find ourselves becoming best friends. The usual next step to that, sir, is falling in love. There is still a possibiliy that we could fall in love with each other, right? What should we do if that happens?

bang, bang. we all fell silent. probably because at one point in our young lives, we all felt this feeling. we all know this story--the bestfriend story. doesn't always end up happy, and sometimes it doesn't end at all. so Dr. Tejido raised his left hand, calling for attention, and spoke softly. I visited my friend in Xavierville a couple of weeks ago. She has been a friend of mine for a very long time now. Niligawan ko nga dati, pero di pa raw siya ready. But then we became very good friends. And to be honest with you guys, she knows me very well. She knows me better than my wife does. Love does not need to be conjugal, to be technical about it... My love for my wife is very different from my love for my children. You have to understand that and take note of the difference... We have to remove our preconceived notions about love and relationships... We have to correct the misunderstood nature of friendship... His speech was a lot more convincing in person, and i'm sorry that the lines above are all i can remember. Simply put, all relationships do not necessarily have to lead to romance and conjugal love. dating, no matter for how many times, does not mean that a boy is going to court a girl. a deepened relationship, with friends, will lead to a better understanding of one's self, one's identity.

...

St. Thomas Aquinas shared that among all the external possessions of a person, friends are the most precious. and if ever a friend was stolen from a person, by any means--verbal or otherwise, it would have been better if the person had been stripped of all his material belongings.

this entry is for all of you whom i consider FRIENDS.
i found myself in you. i love you.