hindi. hindi sila nawawala. pero parang, ako ang nawawala.
last week i was at ateneo twice. and at the end of those two separate days, i came to the same conclusion: i miss this.
i hung out at fack last wednesday. it was really nice to see the people there again. the juniors. whoops, seniors na pala sila ngayon. haha, kami dati yun. i'm really happy to see some of the current juniors hanging out there as well. now there'll be continuity for fack.
yesterday i practically spent the entire day at ateneo for misa's freshmeat opener. two takeaways from that event: (1) 'maganda' ang future ng mis at misa, (2) gets ko na. i'd rather not talk about the second takeaway, because the first is much more interesting. hahaha. even aglo would agree with me on that one. graaabe. bakit kung kelan wala na kami? sad.
anyway, i just really want to say that i missed (and will be missing) all of my friends who are still there. we'll see each other, hopefully, next year. in the meantime, we'll have weekends. haha.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
there is always a first for everything
hi there. i've had this blog for awhile, but i haven't really been writing on it. but i guess there is always a first for everything. this will be it. feel free to look around the previous posts, but those are just some artsy crap i made in the past. haha. i moved them here to be my motivation:
< if i could write such elaborate and beautiful stuff like those, then why am I writing fancy crap like this? >
yeah! i think there are two keys to improvement: motivation and feedback. so if you could write down comments/feedback to the things i write, it would be most appreciated. don't mind motivating me, i think the phrase i just concocted up there will last for a very long time.
< if i could write such elaborate and beautiful stuff like those, then why am I writing fancy crap like this? >
yeah! i think there are two keys to improvement: motivation and feedback. so if you could write down comments/feedback to the things i write, it would be most appreciated. don't mind motivating me, i think the phrase i just concocted up there will last for a very long time.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
why i love to fack
i've been meaning to write this for quite some time now. i never really found the right time or opportunity--with all the bumming and lying around at the house the past days. now, all my friends know that i am not very.. shall we say 'expressive'.. of my emotions or feelings. i've never really expressed or shown to my friends how much i appreciate their presence.. how much i enjoy their stories.. how much i care for them. i can only hope that they do get that. that they somehow have an idea how important they are to me. man, i wish they'd be able to read this before we truly part ways. not that we're not going to see each other any more. it's just that.. with the different jobs and all.. well, you get what i mean.
this is one of the few written works i made where i thought of the title before i had any content. so why do i love to fack? let me give you these reasons.
well first of all, i love to fack because it was my idea to call it fack. i don't remember when and where or how, but i somehow figured putting the words 'faura' and 'back' together. so together with my interest in the taboo (and the fact that 'baura' didn't sound too good), i came up with the word 'fack'. justin even invented the words 'frap' for faura harap and 'fiddle' for faura middle. but most of the time people just use the term 'harap' and 'likod' to distinguish the people who hang out at faura. surprisingly, i seldom use the word fack. in conversations, i often use "faura likod" or "jan sa likod". i should be more loyal to myself and use the words i invented. or else it might not catch on (i.e. "s1nners" that i thought of during freshman year. baduuuuy).
the location of fack makes it a perfect place to hang out. accessible to the comfort rooms, just a flight of stairs away from classrooms and the department office, and just a few steps from the smokers' pocket garden. it's three to four minutes from the caf and jsec and less than five minutes from the parking lots and katipunan. its just perfect.
oh man. speaking of the pocket garden, or the facket as we fondly call it, its another reason for me to fack. we've been through so many things, the facket and i, and when they tore the first facket down, it just broke my heart. i remember the nights when we just hung out there until eleven in the evening. sharing stories, making jokes, 11 is to 1, dancing the papaya on top of the benches, lying down and staring at the leaves of the trees, dreaming, and dreaming big. nothing could compare, really. if i was asked to rank all our moments together as a barkada, being at the facket ranks number 1. even non-smokers join us just to be together. ultimate sacrifice (of lungs and general health).
fack also brings together the students and the teachers. pao and andrei often come to mind when we talk about smoking at the facket, and their stories are unforgettable. sometimes mm, jal and podge join us, and we never fail to share a laugh together. i never would have thought that i would find friends in them (instructors) and all of the other people at discs. someday i'll repay pao and andrei for all the dunhill frosts i bummed out of them.
fack is where i got to know yvette, miko and sam better. the three of them seldom went with us on nights out and so it was only at fack where we usually swapped stories. sam always had a penchant for tsismis, just like what miko has for nba basketball, and yvette has for doing different accents, weirdly. to know them together and as individuals have been one of the true blessings i've had recently.
hanging out at fack wouldn't have been as fun without lance. the laughs, the weird laughs, the awkward moments, the serious moments, the gay moments, the dancing, the gay dancing. we often tease him, but he is truly a good sport. he knows when to be serious, when to be funny, when to act dumb, and when to become funny by seriously being dumb. but to date, my fondest memory of lance has always been singing. out of the blue, out of sync, n*sync, etc. when the bloomfields bug was around, we sang every song in their album. alala mo.. nung tayo ay walang magawa..
when at fack, it is certain that one of the people there will say "yosi tayo". and that would be ian. we call him all sorts of things. jolibee. labs. pipoy. mister popo. but he doesnt get mad. he just flicks our breasts every now and then. this guy should've won crush ang bayan. and all of the boys at fack would be a close second.
i also love that within fack, there are still subgroups like that of jag, gino, jp, eric and lloyd. they would sneak a drink every now and then at cantina, but i don't mind. i join them sometimes, and those were memorable drinking sessions. especially that night. that unforgettable night when gino.. nevermind. it's good to know that when i have a problem, i could always turn to them--look up at eric as he sways and flaps his shirt--for a drink or two.
and who could forget about the pout that made the world go "awww". i became friends with tracy--who is probably the sweetest girl i know--at fack. so don't think that fack is for MIS only. we do have IS people who hang out there (tracy and aaron, who is an amazing graphic designer) too. fack is also the place where tracy found her bitch in AJ. the two of them are so lucky to have each other, and i seriously hope that they fall deeper in love with each other.
from the moment that i learned that we were going to be on the same english block, i knew that rj would be one of the friends that i'd keep. i even accompanied him to stella maris on a stormy day just so that he could get his ex-gf's acet application form, only to find out that it was still incomplete when we submitted it in xavier hall. i often joke about how he influenced me to smoke again, but the truth is, i influenced him. that afternoon at meatshop, where a few of my blockmates started to hang out, i urged him to buy a pack so we can share. but hey, i'm not sorry. it is obvious how much rj loves cigarettes. i tease him a lot--ok more than a lot, maybe everytime? always? ok! with every word he says i find something to joke about. haha.--but i only do that because i know that he can take it. that he can poke fun at himself for the amusement of others. much like me. we've been through many ups and downs, but i've never thanked him or let him know how great a friend he is. someday i will.
of all the people in fack, i least expected that this guy would be one of my closest friends--what with all the rides we shared with a chic named corinne. the first time i met justin, at lance's birthday party, i really believed that he was gay. only to find out that sometimes, i was right in believing. we shared many nights together--not sleeping--but drinking, playing billiards, eating and smoking. we even had a "what if" night with jp. just like all of my close friends, justin can already finish the sentences i start with, and he can quickly get what i'm about to joke or poke fun at. one look is all it takes for me to communicate a joke to him. he's probably the ultimate guy buddy, if only he wasn't gay--sometimes.
fack wouldn't be fack without debbie. the smartest person i know, she's probably the person who has seriously been through a lot the past year. and i was there with her. the best thing about debbie is that she's not afraid to be vulnerable. she opens up. she fights. she's brave. and that is the very thing that i cannot do. the very person i'm striving to be. and simply talking to her makes me, in some ways, brave as well. she doesn't know this, but i am so proud of her. so proud of her achievements. so proud of who she is, of who she is becoming. i literally stand in awe of this person. and to have debbie as one of my closest friends is something i will be eternally grateful for.
if you're thinking that the people i mentioned above are the only ones who are at fack, you are mistaken. the juniors (well now seniors) also keep us company. hubert and his laptop--though almost everybody had laptops, patty and her golden mop-like hair, keziah and her red everything, kim and her perky personality, elie and his, well, personality, tope and his jin, jin and her tope, and all the other people that keep fack alive.
so in summary, this is just a long 'thank you' to all the people that hung out at fack. to all the people that came by, that passed their time at fack. to all the people who at one time or another stayed at fack just because. they don't know this but them just being there makes me happy. and that they're the reason why i love to fack.
this is one of the few written works i made where i thought of the title before i had any content. so why do i love to fack? let me give you these reasons.
well first of all, i love to fack because it was my idea to call it fack. i don't remember when and where or how, but i somehow figured putting the words 'faura' and 'back' together. so together with my interest in the taboo (and the fact that 'baura' didn't sound too good), i came up with the word 'fack'. justin even invented the words 'frap' for faura harap and 'fiddle' for faura middle. but most of the time people just use the term 'harap' and 'likod' to distinguish the people who hang out at faura. surprisingly, i seldom use the word fack. in conversations, i often use "faura likod" or "jan sa likod". i should be more loyal to myself and use the words i invented. or else it might not catch on (i.e. "s1nners" that i thought of during freshman year. baduuuuy).
the location of fack makes it a perfect place to hang out. accessible to the comfort rooms, just a flight of stairs away from classrooms and the department office, and just a few steps from the smokers' pocket garden. it's three to four minutes from the caf and jsec and less than five minutes from the parking lots and katipunan. its just perfect.
oh man. speaking of the pocket garden, or the facket as we fondly call it, its another reason for me to fack. we've been through so many things, the facket and i, and when they tore the first facket down, it just broke my heart. i remember the nights when we just hung out there until eleven in the evening. sharing stories, making jokes, 11 is to 1, dancing the papaya on top of the benches, lying down and staring at the leaves of the trees, dreaming, and dreaming big. nothing could compare, really. if i was asked to rank all our moments together as a barkada, being at the facket ranks number 1. even non-smokers join us just to be together. ultimate sacrifice (of lungs and general health).
fack also brings together the students and the teachers. pao and andrei often come to mind when we talk about smoking at the facket, and their stories are unforgettable. sometimes mm, jal and podge join us, and we never fail to share a laugh together. i never would have thought that i would find friends in them (instructors) and all of the other people at discs. someday i'll repay pao and andrei for all the dunhill frosts i bummed out of them.
fack is where i got to know yvette, miko and sam better. the three of them seldom went with us on nights out and so it was only at fack where we usually swapped stories. sam always had a penchant for tsismis, just like what miko has for nba basketball, and yvette has for doing different accents, weirdly. to know them together and as individuals have been one of the true blessings i've had recently.
hanging out at fack wouldn't have been as fun without lance. the laughs, the weird laughs, the awkward moments, the serious moments, the gay moments, the dancing, the gay dancing. we often tease him, but he is truly a good sport. he knows when to be serious, when to be funny, when to act dumb, and when to become funny by seriously being dumb. but to date, my fondest memory of lance has always been singing. out of the blue, out of sync, n*sync, etc. when the bloomfields bug was around, we sang every song in their album. alala mo.. nung tayo ay walang magawa..
when at fack, it is certain that one of the people there will say "yosi tayo". and that would be ian. we call him all sorts of things. jolibee. labs. pipoy. mister popo. but he doesnt get mad. he just flicks our breasts every now and then. this guy should've won crush ang bayan. and all of the boys at fack would be a close second.
i also love that within fack, there are still subgroups like that of jag, gino, jp, eric and lloyd. they would sneak a drink every now and then at cantina, but i don't mind. i join them sometimes, and those were memorable drinking sessions. especially that night. that unforgettable night when gino.. nevermind. it's good to know that when i have a problem, i could always turn to them--look up at eric as he sways and flaps his shirt--for a drink or two.
and who could forget about the pout that made the world go "awww". i became friends with tracy--who is probably the sweetest girl i know--at fack. so don't think that fack is for MIS only. we do have IS people who hang out there (tracy and aaron, who is an amazing graphic designer) too. fack is also the place where tracy found her bitch in AJ. the two of them are so lucky to have each other, and i seriously hope that they fall deeper in love with each other.
from the moment that i learned that we were going to be on the same english block, i knew that rj would be one of the friends that i'd keep. i even accompanied him to stella maris on a stormy day just so that he could get his ex-gf's acet application form, only to find out that it was still incomplete when we submitted it in xavier hall. i often joke about how he influenced me to smoke again, but the truth is, i influenced him. that afternoon at meatshop, where a few of my blockmates started to hang out, i urged him to buy a pack so we can share. but hey, i'm not sorry. it is obvious how much rj loves cigarettes. i tease him a lot--ok more than a lot, maybe everytime? always? ok! with every word he says i find something to joke about. haha.--but i only do that because i know that he can take it. that he can poke fun at himself for the amusement of others. much like me. we've been through many ups and downs, but i've never thanked him or let him know how great a friend he is. someday i will.
of all the people in fack, i least expected that this guy would be one of my closest friends--what with all the rides we shared with a chic named corinne. the first time i met justin, at lance's birthday party, i really believed that he was gay. only to find out that sometimes, i was right in believing. we shared many nights together--not sleeping--but drinking, playing billiards, eating and smoking. we even had a "what if" night with jp. just like all of my close friends, justin can already finish the sentences i start with, and he can quickly get what i'm about to joke or poke fun at. one look is all it takes for me to communicate a joke to him. he's probably the ultimate guy buddy, if only he wasn't gay--sometimes.
fack wouldn't be fack without debbie. the smartest person i know, she's probably the person who has seriously been through a lot the past year. and i was there with her. the best thing about debbie is that she's not afraid to be vulnerable. she opens up. she fights. she's brave. and that is the very thing that i cannot do. the very person i'm striving to be. and simply talking to her makes me, in some ways, brave as well. she doesn't know this, but i am so proud of her. so proud of her achievements. so proud of who she is, of who she is becoming. i literally stand in awe of this person. and to have debbie as one of my closest friends is something i will be eternally grateful for.
if you're thinking that the people i mentioned above are the only ones who are at fack, you are mistaken. the juniors (well now seniors) also keep us company. hubert and his laptop--though almost everybody had laptops, patty and her golden mop-like hair, keziah and her red everything, kim and her perky personality, elie and his, well, personality, tope and his jin, jin and her tope, and all the other people that keep fack alive.
so in summary, this is just a long 'thank you' to all the people that hung out at fack. to all the people that came by, that passed their time at fack. to all the people who at one time or another stayed at fack just because. they don't know this but them just being there makes me happy. and that they're the reason why i love to fack.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
the most beautiful girl
i saw the most beautiful girl today.
it was not my usual time to travel to school. i had to attend an uncuttable immersion orientation at 10:30 in the morning. I was the group leader, so i couldn't possibly be late. i woke up around 8, showered and dressed just in time to catch a rerun episode of Friends on Star World. i ate breakfast as i watched, and after the show ended i left the house.
i took the usual morning walk along Pitimini street. It was a sunny yet cold morning. i stopped by the store where i usually buy my cigarettes, but then i realized i still had a half pack in my bag. so i went on with my walk, yawning almost half the time. I crossed Roosevelt avenue, and waited to ride my first of three jeepneys to school. I got in the jeepney, paid my fare, and closed my eyes trying to squeeze in a three minute sleep before i had to get off the jeep.
it was around 9:35 when i reached Pantranco, where i got off the first jeepney. it wasn't the usual people i saw waiting for a UP Campus jeepeney on MWFs. This was a separate group; a group who had class at 10 or 10:30 in the morning. after a minute or two, a UP-bound jeepney came and we boarded, as if it was our school bus. well it actually was.
after a seemingly endless 10-minute traverse of Quezon Avenue, the jeepney stopped at the corner after National Bookstore. the name of the street escapes me as i write now. but the where is insignificant to the who. she boarded the jeepney, and sat on the opposite row facing me. she was two persons to the left of the passenger seatd in front of me. which meant i had to face a little bit to the right to get a better view of her.
but there she was. the most beautiful girl i ever saw.
she was about 5'5 or 5'6. she wore a yellow top and khaki shorts. the maroon ID strap around her neck was evidence enough that she studied in UP. she had a light backpack, which she placed on her lap. she opened her purse from her bag and collected the coins she needed to pay her fare. it was a cute scene. it was the scene in a movie where the lead actress looked like a total klutz; she smiled shyly and laughed a little bit at herself for having a hard time collecting coins from her purse. she threw glances left and right, as if managing through a mind map of her purse. still smiling. then when she finally got a hold of the ten one-peso coins, i heard the softest, most feminine voice i have ever heard. bayad po. it was my new LSS. bayad po.
when we crossed EDSA, it occured to me that all i have been doing was looking at her. but you can't blame me, i tell you. you would stare at her too if you saw her.
hers was a beauty i could not easily forget. her tan was near perfect. not dark, not light, not white, not black. yummy milk chocolate brown, if i had to name the color. her hair, her shoulder length, black and brown hair, was neatly tied with a sophisticated style that accented her magical face and her slender neck. the shape of her head and of her face was nearly angelic. her lips were not a perfect red, but a simple red which she kept wetting everynow and then. her nose was not straight nor pointy. it was just right, a filipina nose: cute and would've been fun to tease her with (just like her ears). her eyebrows were cut cleanly. but then i saw the most striking part of her face. her eyes. dark brown and chinky, almost like chinese eyes except that hers had more of an opening--just enough to let people gaze into. and so i gazed into her eyes.
i suddenly realized that i have been staring at her for minutes. nonstop. she kept looking outside, onto the traffic. i smiled whenever the bastardly brake of the jeepney caused her to lose her balance and hit her seatmates. she mouthed 'sorry' each time. i was about to say 'ok lang' one time, but it hit me that i wasn't the one she was talking to. buti na lang.
but then the unthinkable (or atleast what i didn't think would happen) happened. i was staring at her, admiring her deep soulful eyes when she caught my glimpse. she stared at me too. there was about a five or six second span where we just looked straight at each other.
1.. 2.. 3.. then i started to zone out.. there was no one else but her in front of me..
4.. 5.. then i smiled--that stupid smile that could have scared the hell out of satan himself--for no apparent reason
6.. then she smiled too.
7.. no there was no seven. after she smiled we lost eye contact because of that god damn son of a bitch driver who couldn't properly brake if the whole world and the survival of mankind depended on it. shit. i glanced at her, but she was looking down and elsewhere after that. sayang.
sayang. i wanted to tell her pa naman "you had me at 'bayad po'". just kidding. but there you go.
i saw the most beautiful girl today. and she looked back and smiled.
it was not my usual time to travel to school. i had to attend an uncuttable immersion orientation at 10:30 in the morning. I was the group leader, so i couldn't possibly be late. i woke up around 8, showered and dressed just in time to catch a rerun episode of Friends on Star World. i ate breakfast as i watched, and after the show ended i left the house.
i took the usual morning walk along Pitimini street. It was a sunny yet cold morning. i stopped by the store where i usually buy my cigarettes, but then i realized i still had a half pack in my bag. so i went on with my walk, yawning almost half the time. I crossed Roosevelt avenue, and waited to ride my first of three jeepneys to school. I got in the jeepney, paid my fare, and closed my eyes trying to squeeze in a three minute sleep before i had to get off the jeep.
it was around 9:35 when i reached Pantranco, where i got off the first jeepney. it wasn't the usual people i saw waiting for a UP Campus jeepeney on MWFs. This was a separate group; a group who had class at 10 or 10:30 in the morning. after a minute or two, a UP-bound jeepney came and we boarded, as if it was our school bus. well it actually was.
after a seemingly endless 10-minute traverse of Quezon Avenue, the jeepney stopped at the corner after National Bookstore. the name of the street escapes me as i write now. but the where is insignificant to the who. she boarded the jeepney, and sat on the opposite row facing me. she was two persons to the left of the passenger seatd in front of me. which meant i had to face a little bit to the right to get a better view of her.
but there she was. the most beautiful girl i ever saw.
she was about 5'5 or 5'6. she wore a yellow top and khaki shorts. the maroon ID strap around her neck was evidence enough that she studied in UP. she had a light backpack, which she placed on her lap. she opened her purse from her bag and collected the coins she needed to pay her fare. it was a cute scene. it was the scene in a movie where the lead actress looked like a total klutz; she smiled shyly and laughed a little bit at herself for having a hard time collecting coins from her purse. she threw glances left and right, as if managing through a mind map of her purse. still smiling. then when she finally got a hold of the ten one-peso coins, i heard the softest, most feminine voice i have ever heard. bayad po. it was my new LSS. bayad po.
when we crossed EDSA, it occured to me that all i have been doing was looking at her. but you can't blame me, i tell you. you would stare at her too if you saw her.
hers was a beauty i could not easily forget. her tan was near perfect. not dark, not light, not white, not black. yummy milk chocolate brown, if i had to name the color. her hair, her shoulder length, black and brown hair, was neatly tied with a sophisticated style that accented her magical face and her slender neck. the shape of her head and of her face was nearly angelic. her lips were not a perfect red, but a simple red which she kept wetting everynow and then. her nose was not straight nor pointy. it was just right, a filipina nose: cute and would've been fun to tease her with (just like her ears). her eyebrows were cut cleanly. but then i saw the most striking part of her face. her eyes. dark brown and chinky, almost like chinese eyes except that hers had more of an opening--just enough to let people gaze into. and so i gazed into her eyes.
i suddenly realized that i have been staring at her for minutes. nonstop. she kept looking outside, onto the traffic. i smiled whenever the bastardly brake of the jeepney caused her to lose her balance and hit her seatmates. she mouthed 'sorry' each time. i was about to say 'ok lang' one time, but it hit me that i wasn't the one she was talking to. buti na lang.
but then the unthinkable (or atleast what i didn't think would happen) happened. i was staring at her, admiring her deep soulful eyes when she caught my glimpse. she stared at me too. there was about a five or six second span where we just looked straight at each other.
1.. 2.. 3.. then i started to zone out.. there was no one else but her in front of me..
4.. 5.. then i smiled--that stupid smile that could have scared the hell out of satan himself--for no apparent reason
6.. then she smiled too.
7.. no there was no seven. after she smiled we lost eye contact because of that god damn son of a bitch driver who couldn't properly brake if the whole world and the survival of mankind depended on it. shit. i glanced at her, but she was looking down and elsewhere after that. sayang.
sayang. i wanted to tell her pa naman "you had me at 'bayad po'". just kidding. but there you go.
i saw the most beautiful girl today. and she looked back and smiled.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
i miss you
i miss the highschool me.
i was doing my aegis write-up and for input, i decided to take a look at my friendster testimonials and comments and messages. yun ang highschool e, friendster. aminin mo man o hindi, alam mong karamihan ng mga friends mo sa friendster ay nakilala mo nung highschool ka. after viewing my friendster profile, i shifted to my multiply account and my ym list. i looked at the pictures and blogs i uploaded, and then i asked a few of the people in my ym list who i am to them. i was shocked at the differences (and similarities, but for the most part the differences) of how people viewed me then and now.
-----
..then..
i was the leader. people looked to me for direction, guidance, advice and stuff. i loved the attention, and i loved the distinction. the world could have melted and i still would've smiled after reading those testimonials. responsible, god-fearing, trusted friend, smart, creative, easy to talk to, at the top of his batch, president of the student government, sweet(?), romantic(?). it was a list of my credentials then.
..now..
who the fuck am i now? not that im complaining. but who i am now is a far cry from who i was then. using the big fish analogy, highschool was a pond, really. now that im in the sea, hell, i aint so big anymore. but to tell the truth, this was what i was wishing for after hs graduation. to blend in, to NOT be expected of anything, to NOT be at the top, to NOT be the go-to-guy. as much as i loved the attention then, i guess i just got so full of it. and ateneo gave me the satisfaction. all i am now is one of those unpredictable guys. as a friend mentioned, i defy stereotypes. a good example of "dont judge a book by its cover", daw. akala ng karamihan ako yung tipong gago, C-average person na walang pakialam sa studies. yung tamad sa grupo, yung pa-easy easy lang, yung asa lang ng asa sa iba. dahil lagi akong nakangiti, nagyoyosi, umiinom kada linggo, minsan may balbas, labas ng labas, nagccram 5minutes bago magklase. hindi ako yun, tsong. nagkakamali ka.
..anyway..
the thing that remained constant was how people described me as the funny man. the entertainer. and i agree, i am that person. i love to make people smile and laugh and giggle. if the people around me are happy, then i'm happy. no questions asked.
----
honestly, i don't know how i feel about the change in me. i'm not sure if i'm happy and contented that i've finally blended with the crowd, or if i'm sad and itching for that limelight to shine on me and separate me from the crowd, again. all i know is i miss the highschool me.
i was doing my aegis write-up and for input, i decided to take a look at my friendster testimonials and comments and messages. yun ang highschool e, friendster. aminin mo man o hindi, alam mong karamihan ng mga friends mo sa friendster ay nakilala mo nung highschool ka. after viewing my friendster profile, i shifted to my multiply account and my ym list. i looked at the pictures and blogs i uploaded, and then i asked a few of the people in my ym list who i am to them. i was shocked at the differences (and similarities, but for the most part the differences) of how people viewed me then and now.
-----
..then..
i was the leader. people looked to me for direction, guidance, advice and stuff. i loved the attention, and i loved the distinction. the world could have melted and i still would've smiled after reading those testimonials. responsible, god-fearing, trusted friend, smart, creative, easy to talk to, at the top of his batch, president of the student government, sweet(?), romantic(?). it was a list of my credentials then.
..now..
who the fuck am i now? not that im complaining. but who i am now is a far cry from who i was then. using the big fish analogy, highschool was a pond, really. now that im in the sea, hell, i aint so big anymore. but to tell the truth, this was what i was wishing for after hs graduation. to blend in, to NOT be expected of anything, to NOT be at the top, to NOT be the go-to-guy. as much as i loved the attention then, i guess i just got so full of it. and ateneo gave me the satisfaction. all i am now is one of those unpredictable guys. as a friend mentioned, i defy stereotypes. a good example of "dont judge a book by its cover", daw. akala ng karamihan ako yung tipong gago, C-average person na walang pakialam sa studies. yung tamad sa grupo, yung pa-easy easy lang, yung asa lang ng asa sa iba. dahil lagi akong nakangiti, nagyoyosi, umiinom kada linggo, minsan may balbas, labas ng labas, nagccram 5minutes bago magklase. hindi ako yun, tsong. nagkakamali ka.
..anyway..
the thing that remained constant was how people described me as the funny man. the entertainer. and i agree, i am that person. i love to make people smile and laugh and giggle. if the people around me are happy, then i'm happy. no questions asked.
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honestly, i don't know how i feel about the change in me. i'm not sure if i'm happy and contented that i've finally blended with the crowd, or if i'm sad and itching for that limelight to shine on me and separate me from the crowd, again. all i know is i miss the highschool me.
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